We have all heard this verse read a million times at weddings. A woman and a man; joined together in Holy Matrimony before their closest friends and family…and most importantly God look intently into one another's eyes. They are to become one flesh, one body in Christ; for all who are there to witness their commitment on this monumental day. It is also a charge by those represented in the cheap seats to help strengthen the relationship in times of turmoil, strife, and love lost which will need renewal from time to time. The good, the bad and the ugly. You see, those in attendance have a responsibility as well…which you might strongly consider the next time you receive a wedding invitation. Do not just go and purchase a thoughtful gift from Simon Pearce, Swarovski, Bergdorfs, Tiffany or Wal-Mart; heaven forbid. It is important to note here that an important party to this story once told to me in simple and plain English, “Andy, life is not fair.” And I mean to tell you truthfully that this resounding four-word statement becomes increasingly true with each day. But I digress…

        The “I’m Third” principle means that you place yourself last, as opposed to in second position and excluding your kids. Your God, Your Wife (family, etc) and lastly yourself. It is designed that while you are still regarded and respected as the head of household, you humbly demote yourself; happy to be in third position for the betterment of your family and others.

     The beginning of the last “great” relationship started before it could. Stephanie will tell you that she first loved me; but at a minimum, it was a mutual feeling. I can still vividly remember the first time I was able to appreciate the beauty of her. I walked into the office confidently. I was a young broker, in fact the youngest with Edward Jones in Region 85. I was hired just prior to September 11, 2001, and had attended training twice for total of ten days in St. Louis, Missouri. I walked into the office in a crisp tie with a dark blue diagonal stripe, and a Carolina-blue outline that any University of Virginia alumnus would be proud of. I am always dressed for success with the exception of vacation. Stephanie takes that philosophy to the next level [it helps that she is a woman]. There are four adjectives that I recently have decided fit her personality and overall demeanor [at its best] to a “T”. Classic, timeless, sophisticated, and intriguing [and let’s throw in mysterious for good measure].

She is a perfect example of Virginia sophistication. She has the beauty of royalty, the fair skin of a maiden, a Goddess (think Cleopatra), the body of a swimsuit model, the face of an angel…a woman of any man’s desire. On this particular day in 2001, she was dressed in black. Now you may be able to surmise from my previous description that she is a woman who would be fond of black and white; navy on occasion. In clothing, absolutely! In personality, she is a mysterious creature to be revered and respected. Fickle, but discerning; direct, yet kind; grounded, yet [at times] nontraditional; principled, yet easily indecisive; changing within a moments notice. As I mentioned, this is an intriguing woman. I love this woman, but her change of venue within a moments notice can be exhausting. To give her credit, I have at many times been the brunt and worthy of bearing all the responsibility for her frustration as well. Many examples you will see in the following pages.

Two things stand out that will be evident. One would be my lack of being detail oriented; or not paying attention to, at any rate. I am without question an unabashedly “big picture” person. Always have been. It has served me well in business; as I have learned with experience, to be able to ask the right questions necessary to solve complex problems…properly making the “Layman” aware of the reason for the approach, the execution/plan and the expected result or desired outcome. The second would be my care-free or nonchalant attitude. Many years ago I read a fabulous book by Richard Carlson, PhD, entitled, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and Its All Small Stuff”. My exponential understanding of this philosophy; combined with my religious view and my respect and belief in faith [that everything happens for a reason; without coincidence], can be angrily frustrating to others. It’s not that I mean to present an aura of arrogance…a throw-away attitude, certainly not an “Ah, Who gives a Shit!” philosophy, however; more often than not, it is easily, early and often misconstrued in this manner. I do care…more than many people can ever imagine. The iconoclastic clash between the “Layman Mindset” and the “Durst Heart” are often polar opposites by, and in nature…opposites within the same principle. The bottom line is really this. It is exactly because I care that I have always taken a “big picture” approach to problems.

Perspective is what matters. Placing most problems, issues, drawbacks, poor options, idiosyncrasies, SNAFU’s (situation normal all f@#cked up); in their proper place allows the person and problem(s) to become smaller. With that balance in place, the answers to those issues/problems come into focus, become more clear and more options come to the forefront…allowing you to make the proper decision at the time of critical importance with the information at hand. I would like to make four suggestions here; or share with you critical principles; when used correctly, that make all the difference in any relationship.